


Why Don't We Do It in the Road?

by thequidditchpitch_archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Heterosexual Sex, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, The Quidditch Pitch: Erotic Couplings, Threesome
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-11-23
Updated: 2005-11-23
Packaged: 2018-10-27 17:20:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10813407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thequidditchpitch_archivist/pseuds/thequidditchpitch_archivist
Summary: The trio set forth on a Mexican roadtrip, following the death of Voldemort.  They all learn the evils of tequilla.





	Why Don't We Do It in the Road?

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Annie, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Quidditch Pitch](http://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Quidditch_Pitch), which went offline in 2015 when the hosting expired, at a time I was not able to renew it. I contacted Open Doors, hoping to preserve the archive using an old backup, and began importing these works as an Open Doors-approved project in April 2017. Open Doors e-mailed all authors about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact us using the e-mail address on [The Quidditch Pitch collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/thequidditchpitch/profile).

  
Author's notes: Originally for my [Come Together](http://www.livejournal.com/tools/memories.bml?user=ficbymarks&keyword=Come+Together&filter=all) series of fics, though this has been revised. **Warnings:** Threesome, Americanisms.

  


* * *

"What better way is there to celebrate the death of a madman - a death by our best friend's hand, might I add - than with a road trip?" These were the immortal words spoken by Ron, designed to draw Harry out of the depression he'd fallen into since the defeat of Voldemort. 

Harry had asked, incredulously, "I'm a murderer and you want me to go on holiday, Ron? Have the twins been spiking your food again?" 

Ron had shaken his head and become as serious as Ron ever could get. "You need some fun, Harry. Hermione, you, and me need some bonding time. C'mon. Let's get out of England. I was thinking somewhere far away. We're adults now. How does California sound to you? Charlie was there about four years ago and he said it was brilliant. And I've been wanting to see how badly I'll sunburn when exposed to actual sunlight. Say yes, mate." 

Still not thinking this would help, Harry had agreed. Hermione, who'd loosened up considerably now that they were out of school, agreed nearly instantly, talking all about the various magical forces at work around the San Andreas Fault line. This is how they found themselves on I-5, three miles away from Baja for a day trip, and stuck in more traffic than any of them thought was bloody imaginable. 

"God," said Ron, slamming his hand on the wheel. "Why didn't we get an enchanted car for this trip again?" 

Hermione, sitting in the front seat, maps and guidebooks spread over her lap, raised an eyebrow. "You were the one who wanted to experience the magic of rental cars, if I recall." She turned around to face Harry, sitting in the middle of the backseat. Grinning, she said, "He's definitely his father's son, isn't he, Harry?" 

"Oh, yes," teased Harry, scooting up and putting each of his elbows up on the two front seats. "Only you and your father would have been this excited over a Honda." 

Ron grumbled and slammed his palm on the horn. As the noise blared, he exclaimed, "I like this, though!" 

"Stop that, Ron. Stop that!" Hermione physically removed Ron's hand from the horn. "People are giving us dirty looks and beeping isn't going to make the cars move any faster." 

"Wish we had a magical car," he muttered. Then, suddenly, he brightened, "At least we have our magical passports!" 

Harry rolled his eyes and dug his own passport out of his back pocket. "I can't believe we let the twins design our passports. A different name every day." He glanced down at his picture. "Oh Jesus, no one's going to believe this! Do I look like a Ho Chung to you?" 

Ron snorted and Hermione reached into her bag for her own passport. "Rowena Ravenclaw today, it seems. Good one, Fred and George," she said approvingly. 

"What's mine?" Ron shifted so someone could pull his passport from his back pocket and Harry and Hermione exchanged nervous looks. "Oh, save the prude act, you two. Reach into my back pocket and pull out my damned passport!" Hermione took the honours and burst out laughing when she saw the name. Ron tried keeping his eyes on the road and looking over to Hermione at the same time. "That bad, eh?" 

Harry leaned over Hermione's shoulder and snorted. "Ah, yes, the twins' younger brother, I.P. Freely." 

"I'm going to kill them." 

"Look on the bright side," Hermione said pragmatically. "At least the border guards won't realise anything's suspicious." 

Ron brightened and said, "That's true! It's amazing what a Confundus Charm on a piece of paper can do for getting you from place to place. And hey, we're almost there!" 

As the dinky red Honda pulled up, the trio flashed the guard their most winning smiles and handed over their IDs. "On your way, folks," he said, waving them through. "Enjoy your time in Meh-hee-ko." 

They drove along for a couple of minutes and Ron glanced over to Hermione's maps and asked, "Where to?", just as the Honda started uncontrollably smoking and shaking. Ron managed to veer the car over to the dusty side of the road, just as it stopped moving altogether. 

"Right to here, I suppose," said Harry wryly. "We have the worst luck with cars." 

Hermione let out a small wail. "What on Earth are we supposed to do now?" she asked, clenching her jaw. 

"Only one thing to do," said Ron, unbuckling his seatbelt and exiting the car. 

"What? What are you talking about?" Hermione's voice was steadily climbing octaves. 

Ron gestured over to small building on their right. Harry made out a flickering neon sign that spelled out "Cerveza y Tequila." Ron started walking and called over his shoulder, "We get fucking pissed, that's what!" 

Harry looked at Hermione, who laughed and said, "What the hell? We're on holiday, right?" 

"But we're underaged," Harry tried, desperately, knowing this was a very bad idea, indeed. 

Hermione replied, "Harry, we're magical. Your passport says you're a 42-year-old Chinese man and no one's batted an eye. Somehow, I believe we might be able to get served." 

Harry sighed. He was losing this battle, he could see it. "Fine!" he agreed. "Let's get drunk." He and Hermione jogged to catch up with Ron. 

Inside "El Gatito Solo," Ron took the initiative and started in on the beer right away, as Hermione and Harry hung back a bit. Frustrated with their conservative drinking skills and knowing they were stranded anyway, Ron pointed at Harry and yelled to the bar, "It's my friend's twenty-first birthday!" and the bartender whooped and brought them twenty-one tequila shots. 

The few patrons present watched Harry expectantly. He sighed, knowing he was beaten once again and threw back a shot. The liquid seared his throat on his way to his stomach and he made a face. He grinned and looked at Hermione. "Your turn," he informed her. 

A time later, the twenty-one shots were all gone, along with several other drinks that Harry wouldn't have been able to identify, even if he was told their names. 

Harry turned to Hermione, feeling happy and lighter than he had in ages and said, "Hermione, we should kiss! I wanna kissu..." 

At that, Ron shoved Harry lightly and said, "No, Iwannakisser!" 

With bright eyes, swaying slightly in her seat, Hermione said, "I'll kiss you both! But, you should kiss each other, too. It's only fair!" Ron and Harry looked at each other and shrugged, leaning in. Harry's eyes flew open when their lips met. Ron's face felt rough against Harry's skin and his tongue was more insistent than any girl's. A small whimper escaped from the back of Harry's throat when they parted. 

It was time for more tequila. 

Later still, it grew dark outside, Harry leaned over to Ron, placing his hand on Ron's knee for balance and slurred in conspiratorial whisper, "I think the ceiling fan is laughing at me!" 

Ron glanced up at it, terrified. "Hermione, we have to get out of here," Ron insisted. "That fan's after us." 

Hermione threw her head back to look up, but overshot and hit her head lightly on the seat. Giggling uncontrollably, Hermione exclaimed, "I love Mexico!" Ron and Harry led her back out to the car, which they managed to find, despite their stumbling. Opening the trunk, Harry pushed down the seat, so the back now lay flat. He crawled inside and flopped down, Ron and Hermione slowly following suit. 

Harry could feel Hermione's warmth, as she curled against him and he snuggled into that warmth. He flung a hand over her body and met with Ron's muscled side. Harry's eyes flew open and he saw Ron staring at him. He was about to remove the offending hand when Ron smiled and brought up his own hand to trace circles on Harry's palm. Harry felt a small moan escape his lips at the contact, but blamed it on the tequila. 

God, Harry loved tequila. 

Things started to get a little blurry after that. 

A gentle tongue parted Harry's lips and probed his mouth. The face felt soft when it rubbed against Harry's skin. 

Harry smiled. 

A warm, rough hand wrapped its way around Harry's cock and Harry realised he was no longer wearing any clothes. He leaned in to kiss Ron's neck. Ron's hand was attached to Harry's hard-on and Hermione was straddling Ron. Harry's breath hitched at the sight and Ron turned his head to kiss Harry deeply. Hermione moaned loudly as she moved up and down on Ron's lap and Ron groaned into Harry's mouth. 

Harry groaned back. 

He couldn't remember how it happened, Harry's own hand was wrapped around Ron now and a warm, wetness surrounded Harry's erection. He looked down to see Hermione staring up at him as she engulfed him in her mouth. One of Ron's hands was buried between Hermione's thighs and the noises she made vibrated against Harry, sending wave after wave of pleasure over him. Ron's head was thrown back, his eyes scrunched closed, as he leaned against the car's window. "God, yes, God, yes, Harry, oh God," he cried. "Faster, _please_ , faster." Harry's rhythm increased and he could feel Ron shaking against him and Ron came into his hand. Ron leaned over to kiss Harry, increasing the movement on Hermione. She moaned and Harry could feel her shaking uncontrollably. He cried out in response to the noise and the movement and she moved her head faster. "Hermione, yes, right there! Oh! Fuck fuck fuck." Hermione lightly raked her teeth against the sensitive underside of Harry's cock, which sent him over the edge and he came into her mouth. 

Harry mumbled, "Love you" to them both and promptly passed out on Ron's crotch. 

Sunlight streamed through the window of the Honda. Harry was sweating from the heat of the sun on his body. Squinting, he sat up. His mouth felt like an old sock. Oh God, was he naked? Glancing over to his side, a very naked Ron and Hermione slept on. Snatches of memory came back to him from the night before and he hastily pulled on his clothes and grabbed his wand, absolutely determined to get this thing moving again. Muggle car or not, he probably could do something to get it to the nearest mechanic, at the very least. 

A short while later, Harry had gotten the engine going again, much to his relief. He climbed back into the car and, averting his eyes, he woke up Ron and Hermione. "I got the car working again," he said, looking at his shoes. 

Ron, who must have just realised his state of undress, sat up suddenly, hitting his head on the roof of the car. "Oh fuck," he mumbled and hastily pulled on his pants. Hermione was looking around dazedly, before collecting her underclothing from the various parts of the car and pulled them on. 

Harry got in the driver's seat, as an excuse to not have to watch the two dress, unwilling to admit to himself how much he wanted to see them do so. "I don't think we should ever drink tequila again," Harry called over one shoulder. Ron groaned in reply. 

Hermione, though, surprised them both. "I don't know, Harry," she said, climbing into the passenger side, now fully dressed. "I think that tequila had its benefits. We're best friends for a reason, aren't we?" With Ron settled into the middle of the backseat, she grabbed a hand of each boy and smiled. Amazed, Harry looked at Ron, who also had a wide grin on his face. Harry found the smiling contagious and laughed, despite himself. A weight he hadn't even realised he carried was lifted from his chest.


End file.
